Even the best of marriages, the best of people, the most perfect couples fight.
Today I found myself in the midst of battle, dodging harsh words as they came flying at me one after the other. I retaliated with a few myself, double harsh. Neither person ever wins in these bashing wars. We just scream until our throats are dry and are hearts are bruised to the point that at that moment it feels like there is no possible healing. I cry. I hurt. The room spins and I hope that in the blur of my surroundings I can find arms held out for me to grab onto - to be safe - to be cared for.
Today, that didn't happen. I'm sitting here in more pain and more alone than I have felt in a LONG time. I know I'm wrong in the things I said and the way I said it, but not the meaning behind it. I feel that I deserved to be cared for when I'm sick with a fever and I have a sick infant with a fever at the same time, that I'm warranted some caring, assistance, at least words of sincere pity.
Why is it that a mom has to be there for everyone else, but she is expected to fend for herself when on those rare occasions she gets sick or tired?
Ugggh! I need a good friend right now to just tell me that I'm right...even if I'm not...I just need to feel that someone's on MY side.
Oh well...at least I can feel loved by reading french.
Que mes baisers soient les mots d'amour que je ne te dis pas.
Mwah!
Nikka
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1 comment:
Awww! Sweetie! I so hear you, i had one of those fights yesterday. My pet peeve is fighting in front of the kids, and sadly this has happened twice this past week, NOT COOL in my books.
My DH--sometimes not so, just loses his temper, and then i lose mine because I don't want him losing it(ie. saying inappropriate words) in front of my son etc... vicious cylce LOL I find what helps me is to get away from the situation, and distract msyelf. I can't feel sad when i have to be happy for my son... not that that fixes the problem LOL
These fights usually happen when we're trying to go somewhere--and why is it alwyas the mothers responsibility to get the children ready, but that's another post in itself. Of if we've just got home from a long day.
Now that i've taken up most of your blog comment space, i'll stop, but i just wanted to say, you are NOT alone, women feel like you every day and we feel FOR YOU. Marriage is never easy, but nothing that's easy is ever worth it.
Check out my one post
http://www.realtechmom.com/laugh-your-way-to-a-better-marriage/ the last video made me LMAO!
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